It doesn’t seem to be a nice blog title to begin the first post after the new server transfer. “Transferred” it is. All old thoughts were either hidden or abandoned alongside with my previous server was expired and suspended. This time round will last at least 3 years I hope, IF I remember to update my domain ownership next year. Nonetheless, I’d want to thank him for putting so much efforts to sort out the transfer and setup of this blog.
The main point of this post is, I feel heavily bashed up. I don’t know how many of you out there could empathize how I truly feel now. In the ultimate reality, I didn’t have an easy past to begin with but I keep counting my blessings for getting away with things by luck, most of the time. At the rest of the time, I am pretty sure that I make the worst choices ever in the world.
This year 2018 has been the scariest roller coaster for me. Just not long after devastated by the departure of someone who I see him as the love of my life (why? probably I’ll write about it someday~) and decided to realign myself with greater purpose to live. I need a responsibility which keep my mind busy and “healthy”. Besides my personal financial has began to feel challenged and hence, I began to hunt for a job seriously. During the hunt had some interesting twists too but again, that’s another post someday.
My career was officially restarted on 18th Jun’18. Enrolled in Malaysia office and relocated to Phnom Penh, Cambodia on the 2nd of July. I thought to myself: I’m gonna rock this city. I was determined that I’ll be good on my own. I will learn to adapt and fit into a new life tempo just fine. For as much I’ve suffered in the past, I’m sure that I’ll survive, at least.
Once again, God or Life always have a great sense of humor but I don’t get to laugh at the end. In short, I started a new job. Two weeks later, I moved to a total stranger’s country hoping to grow my career. Before I could find my balance standing amongst unfamiliar faces and by chance, my heart was shattered once again just at the mark of 2 months. Or was my heart even patched?
Honestly, he wasn’t my type of guy in every aspects of appearance or personalities but I can’t help to be impressed that he’s so witty during our first few short hours of acquaintance. It’s been so fucking long that I miss to meet someone who’s able to appreciate my dark humor and responded with intelligent sarcasms. We kept laughing at each other and ignored the other friends. We kept inspiring each other to keep it on-going until he dropped me back to my doorstep, for the very first time.
As much as I enjoyed his witty responses, I truly wasn’t attracted at him romantically. He made simple connection on the next day noon and tried to ask me out again in the evening but I ignored intentionally because I just wanted to stay in and continue to work. Then he tried again on the next day Saturday. Not sure if he figured that I’d be tempted to go out by reasoning to introduce all the C-level of his company to me. (note: I’m an Account Director and meeting potential clientele is good for my career.) So yeah, I quickly agreed to meet him at dinner place even though I was heavily filled with food delivery.
Actual atmosphere of the dinner wasn’t quite how I expected. I felt like kinda tricked to meet a guy’s “family” on our second meet-up. I was rather reluctant to play along but they suggested coffee. When can I ever reject a coffee? On the other hand, I wanted to grab a tuktuk back but he politely insisted that I should use a ride back later. Besides, I was looking for a chance to connect with his CEO. Well, his wife seems to like me as a person. Then again, the coffee session wasn’t how I expected and honestly, my introversion started to bug me and I began to feel a little uneasy. I can’t just walk away, can I? After all, shops close early here.
I felt utterly relieved when I was finally home. Felt exhausted to behave in between acting normal like a cool girl while struggled to show rejection from all the signs of possible interest from this newly met guy. My work continued til 5 or 6 in the morning and thought I would probably skip the following lunch appointment with the group. Sometimes I wish there’s an intro in every episodes of my life but nope, I was picked up for lunch in a group and spent the entire afternoon with him sipping coffee and small talks. Finally I was escaped to massage alone. I figured that a rundown parlor wouldn’t impress him so he would leave. Yeah, he did.
Oh shit, it’s 1:32am now. Shall continue another time. Beauty needs her sleep. Laters~